


Mirrors Of This House

by merlypops



Series: we live through scars this time [1]
Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Abuse, Abusive Relationships, Aftermath of Violence, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Assault, Blow Jobs, Character Development, Comfort/Angst, Developing Friendships, Developing Relationship, Dom Ashton, Dom/sub Undertones, Domestic, Domestic Fluff, Domestic Violence, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Eventual Smut, Falling In Love, Fear, First Kiss, First Meetings, First Time, Healing, Healthy Relationships, Heartbreak, Heavy Angst, Hospitals, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Injury, Injury Recovery, Inspired by Music, Lashton - Freeform, Love, M/M, Mild Smut, Minor Michael Clifford/Calum Hood, Near Death, Near Death Experiences, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Relationship(s), Physical Abuse, Police, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sad, Sad Luke, Sad with a Happy Ending, Self-Hatred, Song Lyrics, Sub Luke, Triggers, Twisted and Fluffy Feelings, Violence, malum
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-27
Updated: 2015-03-13
Packaged: 2018-03-09 07:47:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 9
Words: 11,599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3241850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/merlypops/pseuds/merlypops
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>'When Luke’s cheeks heated with blood and he smiled over bashfully at Ashton as his long golden eyelashes fanned down to flutter against his pale cheekbones, Ashton thought that all of the masterpieces he had seen restored at work were <i>nothing</i> compared to the utter beauty that was Luke Hemmings.'</p><p>
  <b>Luke is left broken and Ashton tries to put him back together again.</b>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Fire In His Heart

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Unholy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Unholy/gifts).



> Marlon showed me this song so I wrote this for you, monkey :) <3  
> I'm not sure how many parts there'll be yet but I'm estimating maybe 4? We'll see...  
> Anyway, I wrote the bit I've uploaded a few weeks ago and I really want to get back into it, and I thought I'd upload this bit to see what you all thought so please let me know!  
> Enjoy :)

**_In the mirrors of this house,_ **

**_I've seen your face,_ **

**_A thousand times or more._ **

**_In the corners of your room,_ **

**_I've seen your face,_ **

**_A thousand times or more._ **

**_In the darkness of your room,_ **

**_You've heard the wheels a-turning,_ **

**_I'll be gone._ **

_\- Cars And Cars, The Nits_

 

**1**

No one had ever told Luke that falling in love would feel a lot like having his heart cut out of his chest, but that was the way it felt.

It was a _blunt_ pain, like warm skin touching ice or lungs filling with choking water, like freezing winds cutting like knives through coats and jumpers and _skin_ , like scalding water so hot it felt _cold_.

It was like nothing Luke had ever felt before, and _everything_ , all at once.

It was like the touch of a blade on soft skin, almost. The pain barely there and then suddenly _burning_ , like skin parting for rose-red blood, like boiling tears leaking down bruised cheeks.

Luke felt his love flickering and dancing like a flame on a candle wick as nails clawed his soft flesh, and the light in his eyes went out. He felt it when the scratches turned to punches and kicks and _bites_ , and the kitchen tiles pressed to his burning cheek, and the fire in his heart burnt away to nothing.

Luke felt his love crumble down to embers when the fists became a knife and the tiles beneath his head were replaced with the rain-wet pavement outside. He felt the last sparks flicker out and die there, as the blood flowed from his body and the love leaked away.

The sky above Luke’s head was dark and cold but, unlike **his** eyes, there were stars to be seen, instead of just shadows. The moon was a perfect crescent, white and smooth and _perfect_ , in a way that Luke had _never_ been able to achieve, and his blue eyes were glassy and fading as his vision dimmed, and all of the love left him.

When, in the darkness, a complete stranger knelt down beside Luke’s bleeding body in the street and stroked his hair away from his sweaty forehead as they waited for the ambulance to arrive, Luke realised that he’d never _really_ been in love at all.

*

The next few weeks were a blur of grave-looking doctors and grim-faced policemen, of handfuls of colourful pills and the same _blank_ hospital room walls, and of sleepless nights or waking up screaming, with no in-between.

The only time the ever-present panic clawing deep inside Luke’s bruised and battered chest abated was when the stranger-who-was-no-longer-a-stranger came to visit him.

“Hello, angel,” the visitor said every time he entered the room.

He had honey-coloured curly hair. Sometimes it was tied up with a bandana and sometimes his curls were left to fall around his heart-shaped face. He’d been wearing a navy blue bandana on the night he’d found the younger man.

Luke tried not to remember the bandana or the visitor’s hands in his limp hair or the sheen of tears in the stranger’s eyes. Luke tried not to remember any of it.

The love that wasn’t there burnt like ice in his chest though, freezing and cracking and blistering and melting, only to freeze all over again, dripping down and solidifying like icicles biting into skin, when Luke remembered the times when **his** eyes hadn’t been twisted with fury and hate.

“Don’t,” Luke choked out, when the sympathy in the visitor’s eyes became too much, and then he flinched, because he wasn’t supposed to refuse or disagree or even be out of the _house_ , and he _definitely_ wasn’t supposed to be talking to other people, other _men_ , but now he _was_ and – and –

“Please,” the visitor murmured and Luke’s eyes snapped open – still blue, still fading, still _lost_ – before he even realised he’d _closed_ them, and Luke found the curly-haired man kneeling on the floor in front of him, his eyes soft and wet, not hard and with an edge of mocking like **his** had been when he’d begged for Luke’s forgiveness, only to cut him even deeper next time.

The visitor didn’t touch him but his large hands rested gently on the mattress near Luke’s knee and his curls were damp from the rain outside. His eyes were wide and gentle, like a _doe’s_ almost, and his full lips were parted with concern.

 _Soft_. He looked _soft_.

“ **He** can’t hurt you anymore,” the stranger said quietly, his hands flat on the soft blankets covering Luke’s shaking form, his face open and sincere. “ **He** ’s locked up, _gone_. **He** will never hurt you again.”

When the ice in Luke’s chest began to thaw, it ran like tears over his burnt-out heart.

*

The stranger introduced himself as Ashton Irwin the first time Luke opened his eyes and saw him sitting in the hospital room. This had resulted in Luke cringing away and curling in on himself – as much as his bandages and broken ribs would _allow_ at least – as panic ripped through him, and the nurses asked the older man to leave.

Luke didn’t let himself think about the man any more than that.

He was just a stranger who had seen _far_ too much.

The stranger came back the next day though, and the day after that, and one day he brought Luke a Get Well Soon card with a googly-eyed penguin on the front of it, and after that it was impossible to think of the curly-haired man as anything _but_ a kind, sweet-hearted man who only wanted to _help_.

As anything but _Ashton_.


	2. Looking Into The Sun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this took such a long time but I hope it was worth the wait!  
> Fingers crossed you'll all enjoy!

**_There was nothing left to do,_ **

**_When the butterflies turned to dust that covered my whole room,_ **

**_So I punched a hole in the roof,_ **

**_Let the flood carry away all my pictures of you._ **

_\- Clean, Taylor Swift_

 

**2**

Luke learnt a lot about Ashton during that month.

He found out that Ashton was twenty three years old – two years older than Luke was – and that he worked as an accountant for the art gallery in town.

Luke discovered that Ashton only drank black coffees when he was feeling stressed – he drank a _lot_ of them during hospital visits at the beginning – and that the older man’s favourite colour was purple.

Luke found out that Ashton had a younger brother and sister respectively – they were named Harry and Lauren – but that he didn’t get to see them very much anymore because they lived with their mother Anne outside of Sydney.

Luke tried not to think about Ashton’s family too much though because it made something hot and sticky bubble inside him, _guilt_ almost, but twisted with bitterness and regret too, because Luke had _left_ his family to be with **him** , and they had disowned him for it (which had _really_ backfired now that he thought about it).

Luke wondered how different things would be if he had _stayed_ living at home two years ago instead of escaping for what he had _thought_ would be a better life.

That seemed almost _laughable_ now but Luke wasn’t smiling.

His face was pinched and almost _permanently_ ashen, and he could never _quite_ get his hands to stop trembling. He woke up in a panic every single night now and, if someone touched him without warning him, his anxiety overwhelmed him and only Ashton’s calm, gentle voice could comfort him.

Luke wondered why that was and it _scared_ him because growing close to someone else was _wrong_.

That’s what **he** would have said.

*

Luke couldn’t bear to be alone anymore and he thought maybe _that_ was one of the strangest things about this whole mess.

Having twenty minutes to himself before **he** came home had always been enough time for the fog in the younger man’s head to clear a little and Luke had _relished_ that feeling but, these days, it wasn’t necessary anymore and he _loathed_ it, because the fog was _gone_ now, burnt away like early morning mist in buttery sunlight.

When Ashton walked through the door to his room every day when it was finally visiting hours, Luke had to admit that it did _feel_ like the sun was coming out.

The older man sat down in the uncomfortable plastic chair and told Luke about work and his house and his two best friends named Michael and Calum. He explained that he found it physically impossible to successfully boil pasta and that dusting wasn’t something he was familiar with, and the very first time Luke smiled in his presence was the moment when Ashton looked like all of his Christmases and birthdays had come at once.

“Wow,” Ashton said and he pretended to cover his glittering hazel eyes up with his large hands. Luke bit his lip. “No wonder all the nurses are cooing over you out in the corridor. Smile like that and you could light up this whole _town_.”

Luke’s cheeks heated with blood and his heart gave a weak little thump in his chest, and Ashton’s hands dropped away from his face as he gave the younger man a reassuringly warm look, like he knew the effect his words had had.

“I’m not lying,” Ashton said and his voice was so, _so_ far from cold and calculated and cruel. Ashton was so far from **him**.

The older man took Luke’s smaller hand gently in both of his own and, although Luke waited for the familiar flare of panic to engulf him, it never came.

“When you smile...” Ashton said slowly, turning Luke’s pale hand gently this way and that as he looked at the scars tracing his wrist, and his voice was _so_ soft. “It’s like looking into the sun.”

*

When it was time for Luke to leave the hospital, it was suggested that he move into protected accommodation out of the city, in case **he** had any friends around who might be looking for revenge, but deep down, Luke knew that wouldn't happen.

 **He** had been secluded towards the end, isolated and _desperate_ almost, and maybe that was why Luke had bore the brunt of it. If he’d just done what **he** had asked and not messed it up then maybe they would never have reached this point.

Maybe it would have just been the occasional punch or kick, would have just been **him** gently brushing Luke’s fringe away from his bloodied forehead as **he** kissed him until Luke felt _numb_ , sobbing as **he** begged for Luke to forgive **him** , only to twist the knife even deeper next time.

Luke’s face visibly paled and, beside him, Ashton reached out cautiously and gave Luke’s hand the gentlest of squeezes. They were sitting in the back of a taxi, on their way to look at the housing Luke had been recommended, and the younger man’s unease must have shown on his face because Ashton’s expression grew a touched pained.

“It will all work out, angel,” Ashton promised, not moving any closer to Luke despite his apparent need to comfort the younger man, and Luke appreciated that. “I’ll keep you safe. I promise.”

Luke kept a tight grip on Ashton’s hand when they got out of the taxi, flinching when the door was slammed shut behind them, and he _knew_ he was going to hate the flat they were being shown before he’d even _entered_ it because he couldn’t stand the thought of being there alone now.

“I... I don’t want to live there,” Luke confessed on the way back, his voice little more than a whisper and _shaking_ , because disagreeing with _anything_ still felt wrong, even though Ashton said it shouldn’t.

“Then you won’t live there, angel,” Ashton said softly, giving a tiny shrug like it was that simple. The moon was just beginning to rise over the buildings and the taxi moved slowly through the evening traffic. His eyes were shiny in the streetlights and Luke wanted to curl up close beside him, to hide himself inside the long coat Ashton was wearing and _stay_ there.

“There’s nowhere else,” Luke breathed and he had to blink back tears, even though he wasn’t supposed to cry, even though he _hated_ showing weakness now.

“That’s not true, angel,” Ashton disagreed and his thumb rubbing the back of Luke’s hand in comforting circles was almost as soft as his _eyes_. “If you _wanted_ then... then you could stay with me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you thought ❤  
> I'm guessing there's probably going to be 4-5 chapters all together :)


	3. The Slightest Of Breaths

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully this is okay!  
> Enjoy :)

**_Blaming myself, tied to these chains, living in pain._ **

**_All of your tears, everything's gone, is it too late? Walk away!_ **

_\- Walk Away, Black Veil Brides_

**3**

Luke's favourite thing about Ashton was his eyes.

They were bright and hopeful and loving, and more kind than anything the younger man had ever _seen_.

Ashton's eyes grew sad when Luke flinched or sobbed or _remembered_ , but they were always soft, and Luke thought that made all the difference in the world.

Maybe _that_ was why Luke felt safer with Ashton than he had ever done with anyone else before, even though he knew it was wrong for him to feel this way, because **he** would have been livid.

Sometimes, when Luke got too caught up in the mess inside his own head and he couldn't find a way out on his own, Ashton wrapped him gently in a duvet and snuggled down beside him on the sofa, being careful to keep a little gap between them, and the older man made Luke tea and they watched Disney films together.

Secretly, Luke thought those times were the best parts of sharing a house with Ashton.

Luke had felt terrible at first because he hadn't been able to give Ashton any money for rent but the older man wouldn't hear of it anyway. He had insisted that Luke simply stay at home and heal - and Luke had almost _cried_ the first time the older man had used the word 'home' - but it couldn't have felt _more_ different than when **he** had forced Luke to stay locked inside so that no one else could look at him.

Again and again, it struck Luke just how _different_ everything was now.

He no longer had to drift around a too-large house in silence, desperately trying to abide by the rules so that he didn't cause anymore damage, so that he didn't anger **him**.

Ashton wasn't like that.

Luke had managed to drop a glass on his third day there and, despite it not even _breaking_ , he'd still ended up curled up in a ball on the floor, his breath clawing out of his chest as tears leaked down his cheeks, and Luke had expected Ashton to kick him in the ribs, to punch him until his lip split, to knot his fingers into Luke's blond hair and drag the sobbing blond man upstairs so that he could _make_ him sorry.

It hadn't happened though. All Ashton had done was sit down a short distance away and stroke Luke's ankle gently, not moving any closer. "It's alright, angel. It doesn't matter," Ashton had promised, his voice a little choked-up and his beautiful eyes shiny with tears, but his expression was so _soft_.

"I'm so _sorry_ ," Luke gasped out, drying his eyes hard with the sleeves of the soft, dark grey sweatshirt that the older man had leant him. There were still tears rolling down Luke's cheeks though and Ashton shuffled hesitantly closer, reaching out slowly with a tissue and looking deeply relieved when Luke didn't flinch away.

"You have nothing to be sorry _for_ ," Ashton promised, looking more hurt than Luke had ever seen. The blond man watched Ashton warily when he carefully dried Luke's tears away, like he couldn't understand why the older man was being _kind_ to him.

"Thank you," Luke breathed, closing his eyes and drawing in a shuddering breath as he slowly calmed down. What he _hadn't_ been expecting was for Ashton to let out a broken sob though.

"You don't _need_ to say thank you, angel!" Ashton said in a gentle, urgent voice and his hazel eyes were _wet_ now, and Luke felt awful.

"Sorry," the younger man mumbled, his cheeks flaming, and Ashton crumpled, burying his face in his hands as he choked on a sob.

Luke stared in shock and, after a long moment where Ashton just _kept_ crying, the younger man crawled forwards hesitantly and sat close beside Ashton, leaning against the kitchen counter.

The older man stiffened in surprise when Luke let his head fall to rest gently on Ashton's shoulder but neither of them spoke and, after a moment, Ashton gently let his fingers card through Luke's flyaway blond hair.

Luke let out a sob but he almost seemed to _melt_ into the touch, and Ashton's laugh was a touch watery.

"We're a right pair, aren't we?" the older man muttered, shaking his head ruefully, and Luke sniffed, stretching the sleeves down over his shaking fists and pressing himself closer to Ashton's side as the cold from the kitchen tiles beneath him settled in his bones.

"Yeah, we are," Luke sighed shakily and Ashton gave Luke's hair one more stroke before he got to his feet stiffly, helping the blond man up too.

"Let's make some dinner," Ashton said softly, wiping his eyes with his sleeve and looking a bit embarrassed. He pulled a chair out for Luke and the blond man sat down in it carefully, fiddling with the hem of Ashton's sweatshirt while the older man got ingredients out of the fridge and cupboards.

"What are we making?" Luke murmured and Ashton's face lit up at the 'we'. He smiled hopefully as he set a chopping board, a small knife and several large potatoes in front of the younger man.

"Shepherds pie," Ashton replied and Luke's thin lips tugged up into a weak smile because he hadn't eaten that since he was _little_.

"You can peel the potatoes," the older man said, shaking his curls out of his eyes and tying a bandana swiftly around his forehead to keep his hair from falling into his face.

"Okay," Luke whispered, ducking his head and focusing on his task, and Ashton smiled softly at him, just standing there with his hands resting gently on the countertop before he turned away to switch on the radio.

Paramore filled the kitchen and Luke's shoulders visibly relaxed as the music washed over him.

"You're going to be okay, angel," Ashton promised.

Luke wanted _so_ badly to believe him.

*

Ashton's house was made up of dimly lit rooms, saturated with the smell of books and lavender and coffee. Luke could often hear the sound of drums or Ashton singing softly to himself, and the house wasn't tidy or clean or even particularly well cared for, and it _definitely_ wasn't perfect, but it was everything Luke never knew he needed.

He didn't have to keep everything in the right place anymore - except for the house keys that the older man had had cut for him, but Luke supposed that made sense - and Luke never got shouted at or hurt anymore.

Ashton spoke softly to the younger man and stroked his hair like Luke was a frightened kitten, and sometimes Luke curled up close beside Ashton on the battered old threadbare sofa like a _real_ cat.

Luke loved those moments so, _so_ much, even though it felt like he shouldn't.

*

Sometimes, late at night or when Luke let his thoughts wander, he thought he could see **him** , and it _terrified_ Luke.

The younger man would crumple to the ground, covering his head protectively with his arms as he screamed and begged and _pleaded_ for **him** to stop.

Lately, that had happened to Luke every night.

He would wake up, torn from his nightmares as his lungs complained at the lack of oxygen. He would have a full-blown panic attack and his tears would soak his pillow, and Luke would feel like it was never _ever_ going to get any better.

That was happening now.

Luke had screamed himself awake, and his blue eyes were wide with terror and clouded with remembered pain as he imagined **him** stalking forwards from the corner of the room, **his** icy eyes emotionless, the knife dripping blood in **his** fist and - and -

" _Angel_ ," Ashton gasped and, suddenly, he was kneeling down beside the bed in the spare room, stroking Luke's hair calmingly and taking deep steadying breaths for Luke to copy because, honestly, the younger man was on the verge of passing out by now.

"Angel, it's okay. Just breathe for me. _Please_ , just breathe," Ashton begged, gripping Luke's smaller hand comfortingly in both of his own and kissing the younger man's knuckles lightly in an effort to calm him.

" _Ash_ ," Luke croaked but his voice was strained with terror and his chest was burning with pain. "Please, don't leave me," he begged, aware that he had _no_ right to ask for that, but Ashton visibly relaxed.

"Of course," the older man said quietly, looking relieved now. "I'm not going anywhere, I promise you."

Ashton settled down on the carpet, still holding Luke's hand comfortingly in one of his own, and the blond man's brow creased, even as he drew in a ragged breath and fought to keep his tears in.

"You can't sleep on the floor all night," Luke mumbled tearfully, his voice catching in his throat. "You'll make your back hurt."

"It's already half four in the morning," Ashton pointed out helpfully, his eyes tired. The circles under them looked almost like _bruises_ and Luke knew he could look no better. "So it hardly constitutes a night."

"You can sleep up here anyway," Luke whispered, his voice trembling, and Ashton held his gaze for a long, _long_ time before he finally pulled the corner of the duvet back and climbed into the double bed too.

Although Luke was careful to make sure that no part of them was touching, he could still feel Ashton's body heat warming him as it soaked through the cold air between them, like electricity crackling through water almost, dangerous and deadly, but only if you touched it.

So Luke didn't touch Ashton.

He couldn't _let_ himself because then he might get hurt again, and Luke couldn't _stand_ that.

If that happened, Luke would crumble and break, a mere _husk_ now that the love had drained out of him. He would be something that could be sent tumbling with the slightest of breaths, never _mind_ wind.

Luke would be nothing at _all_ really. Just nothing.

Exactly the way **he** had wanted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you thought :)  
> There should hopefully be some Malum next time!


	4. Bleeding Out Beneath The Stars

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I underestimated - I think there'll be another 2-3 updates after this one!  
> I hope you'll all enjoy! :)

**_'Cause you're a sky, 'cause you're a sky full of stars,_ **

**_I wanna die in your arms,_ **

**_'Cause you get lighter the more it gets dark,_ **

**_I'm gonna give you my heart._ **

_-_ _A Sky Full Of Stars, Coldplay_

 

 **4**  

Luke didn’t meet Michael and Calum until he had already been staying with Ashton for two months. He didn’t like to think of it as _living_ there because that felt a bit too permanent and _frightening_ if he was being honest with himself.

So he was just staying there, and he could leave _whenever_ he wanted, because he was free now – whatever _that_ was supposed to mean – and Ashton reminded him of that at every chance he got.

Luke found it hard to believe this when it still felt like he didn’t _deserve_ the freedom though, because he’d spent so long locked away inside **his** house now that being allowed to accompany Ashton to the shops and being given the freedom to go wherever he wanted just felt _wrong_.

On the day when Luke met Michael and Calum, he was feeling particularly undeserving of everything Ashton had given him, and Luke felt quite tearful because of it.

He sat frozen with fear on the threadbare old sofa when the doorbell rang for an obnoxiously long time and Ashton rolled his eyes at it as he rose to go and let his two best friends in, pausing and giving Luke’s shoulder a gentle, comforting squeeze before he disappeared out into the hallway.

Luke’s heart pounded in his chest and his pulse was roaring in his ears but it wasn’t loud enough to drown out the soft voices coming from outside the room. They sounded an understandable mixture of curious and apprehensive, but the two strangers’ faces were friendly enough when they entered the room, and Luke relaxed fractionally when Ashton returned to sit beside him again.

“Angel,” Ashton said softly, holding his arm out uncertainly and looking relieved when Luke immediately snuggled up against his side. “This is Michael and Calum – Mikey and Cal for short. You guys, this is Luke, who I’ve been telling you about.”

Luke shrank back a little, ducking his head so that his soft blond hair fluttered down to hide his eyes, but Ashton’s arm was warm around his shoulders.

“Hey, Luke,” one of the strangers said softly and Luke looked up, startled at being addressed before he had to remind himself for what felt like the _millionth_ time that things were different now.

Luke looked at the stranger carefully, taking in chocolate brown eyes and dark wavy hair. He had a timid smile on his face and tattoos decorating his muscular arms, but he walked with an easy grace and his face was open and kind as he held hands with the stranger standing next to him.

The dark-haired man was called Calum. Luke remembered Ashton saying.

“Hi, Calum,” Luke breathed, twisting his fingers in his lap as he drew in a shuddering breath, his hands _shaking_. Ashton took one of them gently, holding it between both of his own and rubbing a comforting pattern into Luke’s palm with his thumb as the younger man relaxed a little.

“It’s awesome to meet you, mate,” Calum beamed, his eyes twinkling, and Luke’s lips tugged up into a faint smile, even as he shied away when the second stranger stepped forwards.

Michael looked a lot scarier than Calum.

He had dyed purplish-blue hair and an eyebrow piercing, and he was wearing a torn Metallica t-shirt beneath a faded denim jacket.

Despite himself, Luke felt his cautious smile growing on his face though because Michael and Calum couldn’t have been _more_ different to **him**.

They were _brilliant_.

Luke liked them at once.

*

Ashton often slept in the double bed next to Luke now but they still barely touched, except for those occasions when Luke had a _really_ bad nightmare and needed the older man to hold his hand.

Luke didn’t wake up screaming so often anymore and even his anxiety attacks had abated a little, although he still panicked whenever something startled him or he _remembered_.

Luke was in an usually calm mood tonight though and, although he couldn’t fall asleep, he didn’t mind so much when Ashton was curled up beside him, reading something absently on his phone as he held Luke’s hand comfortingly.

The blond man rolled over on the pillows to look at Ashton, taking in the way his face was lit up eerily by the light from his phone. Ashton’s honey-coloured curls were splayed out on the pillow like a halo and his eyes were a little unfocused as he lay there, like he wasn’t far from falling asleep.

He looked so _soft_ and, almost without meaning to, Luke’s small, trembling hand drifted out and he brushed Ashton’s cheek with his fingertips.

“You never ask,” Luke murmured and the older man looked up with surprise, even as his hand drifted up to cover Luke’s, their fingers interlacing.

“It’s not my place to ask,” Ashton said softly, his breath minty from cleaning his teeth, his hazel eyes a little more alert now. The bed sheets smelt like lavender.

“You must be curious though,” Luke said quietly and Ashton gave a half-hearted shrug, causing the duvet to slide off his shoulder and reveal the navy blue singlet he was wearing underneath.

“ _I’m full of curiosity_ ,” Ashton said, seemingly out of the blue, and Luke frowned at him. Ashton’s lips twitched weakly. “That was a Sienna Miller quote but it’s true all the same.” Ashton’s hazel eyes softened. “Of _course_ I’m curious, angel, but that doesn’t matter in the _slightest_ if talking about what happened would hurt you. I never, _ever_ want to do that.”

Luke felt something blossoming in his chest but he fought it down, dousing the spark in his heart with icy water because he _wouldn't_ let this happen again.

“I feel like I can talk to you,” Luke admitted after a long moment, his hands tightening in the duvet instinctively when Ashton turned his phone off, casting the room into darkness. “I still can’t believe you want to listen.”

“I’ll _always_ want to listen, angel,” Ashton countered but he fell silent, biting his lip, and Luke freed it gently with his index finger, even as he dug the nails of his free hand into the soft skin of his thigh in a desperate attempt to clear his head.

The silence between them stretched on until, finally, Luke spoke.

“I met **h** **im** when I was eighteen but it was a year after that I ran away to be with **him**.”

Ashton’s hand tightened around Luke’s infinitesimally and the blond man drew comfort from that simple action.

“My family told me right from the start that **he** was bad news. They said **he** was too old, too arrogant, too _dangerous_. I said they were just _jealous_.” Luke’s voice caught and Ashton bit down hard on his bottom lip to keep it from wobbling.

Luke let him that time.

“My parents… they disowned me but… but I didn’t even _care_ at the time… I… I thought I was going to be with **him** forever…” Luke shook his head bitterly, fighting back the tears that were stinging in his eyes. “By the time I realised that everything they said... that maybe they were _righ_ t... Well,it was too _late_.”

“What happened?” Ashton breathed, his face white in the darkness. Luke was shaking _so_ hard but his voice was steady, albeit lifeless.

“My family moved out of Adelaide – I don’t know where they are now – and I was thousands of kilometres away in Sydney with **him**. I had no money to my name because I’d dropped out of college and **he** wouldn’t let me get a job. I was _trapped_ , Ash. I had nowhere to _go_.”

“I…” Ashton looked _lost_ but his free hand drifted up to wipe away something wet from Luke’s cheek. It took the blond man a moment to realise that he was crying. “Did… did **he** _always_ hurt you?”

Luke closed his eyes and his worn-out heart seemed to thump to a standstill in his fragile chest.

“Not always,” the younger man breathed, focusing on the uneven rasp of his breath and the gentle cotton of the pillowcase against his cheek. He tried to ignore the ache in his heart and Ashton’s hand coming to settle on his shoulder.

“ **He** … **he** was _furious_ when… when **he** thought I was… was _flirting_ with other people… I called my brother once and… and **he** thought it was someone else. **He** … **he** was _really_ angry… **He** wouldn't listen... so I let **him** believe it..."

“What did **he** do then?” the older man whispered and Luke shuddered despite himself, remembering the burning pain and the _blood_ , and the sobs he so desperately tried to smother because they had only made **him** _angrier_.

In answer to Ashton’s question, Luke freed his arm from beneath the duvet and rolled his sleeve back.

“The scars on your wrist?” Ashton whispered, clearly remembering the hospital, even as he began to look faintly nauseous, and Luke’s hopeless expression was tinged with bitterness.

“ _No_ ,” the younger man said flatly, tugging his sleeve up even further to reveal a jagged scar twisting around his elbow. “This one goes all the way up to my shoulder. **He** smashed a _bottle_.”

Ashton looked _ill_ but Luke still saw his full lips part to silently form the word: “ _Why_?”

Luke could feel the panic beginning to bubble up inside him, ugly and raw, but it was no more than he deserved.

“ **He** said **he** ’d make me ugly… so no one else would want me,” Luke breathed, knotting his fingers into the sheets tightly and choking on a sob. Ashton’s eyes were gleaming with tears and he looked like it was taking everything he had to keep it together.

“ **He** said I was _lucky_ that **he** let me stay there and kept me safe, out of sight, because people out there would _hurt_ me and **he** only punished me to make me better…”

Ashton heaved out a sob but Luke barely heard him. His blue eyes were glassy and dull, fading like they had been that night when Ashton had found Luke bleeding out beneath the stars, and Luke felt lost, like he was free-falling through empty space and nothing in the _world_ could bring him back.

When Ashton’s hand reclaimed his firmly, unbreakable without causing pain, Luke felt a tear roll down his cheek.

“ **He** wanted me to be _perfect_ , Ash,” Luke whispered through the darkness, his voice choked-up. “But I’m _not_ … I’ll _never_ be perfect.”

Ashton was _properly_ crying by then, holding Luke’s hand like it was delicately spun crystal that he had saved from someone who only wanted to crush it. He looked at Luke like he was rare and gentle and _frail_ … like he was _beautiful_.

“No one’s perfect, angel,” Ashton whispered and his eyes were _blazing_ , even as the tears continued to collect in them, rolling down his cheeks silently. “If people were perfect, it would be a dreary existence. Humans are _flawed_ and that makes life exciting and dangerous and _terrifying_ – but it makes for some beautiful people too. _No one_ should be perfect, angel. Perfection isn’t _real_.”

Ashton fell silent, his chest heaving like he’d just run a race, and Luke sniffed hard, wiping his eyes with the corner of the duvet and regarding Ashton curiously.

“Whose quote is that?” Luke half-whispered and Ashton gave the weakest, wateriest smile that Luke had ever _seen_.

“It's mine,” the older man muttered, his cheeks flaming, even as he released a small huff of breath when Luke surged forwards to wrap his arms around his waist securely. “And it’s true, angel. You’ll never be perfect but neither will anyone else.”

Ashton’s voice caught and he coughed to hide a sob, burying his face in Luke’s neck and rubbing his back in comforting circles as the blond man knotted his fingers into Ashton’s curls, keeping him close.

“You’re wonderful just the way you are,” Ashton promised, his voice thick as his tears boiled over afresh. “And I’ll keep telling you that until you believe me – _forever_ if I have to.”

Luke tried not to imagine spending forever with Ashton because he _definitely_ didn’t deserve that but, almost like he could tell what the younger man was thinking, Ashton hugged him tighter.

“ _Forever_ ,” Ashton repeated and his tears were soaking the pillowcase now but neither of them said anything. “I’m not leaving you, angel. I swear.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you thought! :)


	5. Overjoyed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ' _The lingering pain inside Luke didn’t feel so_ raw _anymore and he thought maybe that was the best he could hope for now._ '

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I gave myself feels writing this because I'm the lamest dork ever.  
> Hopefully you'll like this though.  
> I wanted it to be sweet. <3

**_Don’t waste your time on me,_ **

**_You’re already the voice inside my head._ **

_-_ _I Miss You, Blink-182_

 

**5**

As more and more time passed, things slowly began to change between Luke and Ashton.

The younger man had finally accepted that he _was_ living with Ashton now, as opposed to just staying with him, because when the curly-haired man had nervously mentioned it at breakfast a few months ago, Luke had been unable to say no to him.

The strangest part was that Luke hadn’t even _wanted_ to disagree though, and it had felt nothing like all those occasions with **him** when he’d been too _frightened_ to say no.

With Ashton, Luke felt safer than he ever had, although that terrified him too.

Luke no longer wondered _why_ Ashton made him feel so safe and comfortable, when just a few months ago Luke had been a nervous wreck, drifting around like a ghost with ice in his heart and death in his chest.

Luke thought maybe he _knew_ now.

*

Things were beginning to look up.

Ashton barely drank any black coffee at all anymore. He taught Luke to bake bread rolls one weekend which seemed like a strange skill to have when he couldn’t even boil pasta properly on his own, and in turn, Luke showed him how to make tomato soup to go with the rolls.

Ashton’s garden had been overgrown and untidy when Luke had first come to stay with him but the blond man had spent the majority of his days tending to it while Ashton was working at the art gallery in town.

Now there were always vases of wildflowers Luke had gathered on the table, only _adding_ to the perpetual scent of lavender that lingered in the dim, sweet-smelling rooms.

Luke made cakes and fruit tarts sometimes, when he grew bored of gardening and still had hours left to pass before Ashton returned home, and the soft, sunny smiles that lit Ashton’s face as his eyes brightened when he tried Luke’s newest creations always made the younger man feel better.

The lingering pain inside Luke didn’t feel so _raw_ anymore and he thought maybe that was the best he could hope for now.

At least he barely ever woke up crying anymore… although maybe that had quite a lot to do with the fact that he lay cuddled up with Ashton almost every night instead.

*

When Luke had been living with Ashton for six months, the older man helped Luke get in contact with his brother Jack, since Ben unfortunately seemed to share the same view as Luke’s parents had.

Jack was overjoyed to hear his little brother and, although Luke carefully skirted around asking his older brother to come and visit, hearing a familiar voice from before only healed Luke further.

He thought perhaps the moment when his heart started to beat properly again was when Jack excitedly told Luke that he and his girlfriend were expecting a baby girl.

Luke had covered his mouth with a small, trembling hand as his bright eyes swam with tears, and Ashton had reached out from beside Luke and taken the younger man’s hand gently in his own, pressing his lips lightly to the knuckles as Luke gripped the phone tighter.

He tried to imagine the baby, pictured tiny ears like pink seashells and tiny slivers of pearly fingernail. He saw the small button nose and the soft cornflower blue eyes beneath silky blond hair in his mind’s eye, and Luke hoped one day that he’d get to hold her.

He hoped he’d be able to keep her safe.

Luke sobbed when the phone call ended although he wasn’t sure why but, strangely, Ashton seemed to understand.

He cupped Luke’s damp cheeks gently and pressed the lightest kiss to Luke’s forehead, and the blond man only cried harder, even as he wrapped his thin arms desperately around Ashton’s broad shoulders and held him closer.

“We’ll get you a baby, angel,” Ashton murmured and, the next day, he came home unexpectedly at lunchtime with a little white kitten in a purple and grey cat carrier.

Luke dropped down to sit cross-legged on the floor where he’d been standing in the kitchen and Ashton’s eyes were so, _so_ fond as he knelt down nearby, opening the carrier.

The little kitten skittered under the table and hid but Ashton sat back, leaning against the counter and smiling softly to himself as Luke gently coaxed the kitten out.

“She likes you,” Ashton said, looking at the soft tufty white fur, the amber eye and the green eye that were alight with excitement and nervousness and _life_ , and Ashton felt something soothe in his chest when he took in Luke’s beaming face.

“We have a baby,” Luke whispered, snuggling up beside Ashton as the kitten jumped up beneath the table, trying to catch the zip dangling from Ashton’s coat where he had left it draped over the back of a kitchen chair.

“We do,” Ashton said and he smiled contentedly. “What do you want to call her, angel?”

Luke smiled a secret smile, turning to hide his face in the warm, comforting-smelling skin of Ashton’s neck.

“Lavender,” Luke said softly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you thought!  
> I think there'll be probably another 2-3 chapters left now - most likely closer to 2 :)


	6. Swam Close To The Surface

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ' _The tears escaped Luke anyway though, streaming down his cheeks relentlessly like all of the ice inside was finally bleeding away._ '

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I seriously can't stop writing this fic and I don't know why. It's like a switch has just been flicked in my head and suddenly all I can write is this fic.  
> Oh dear. Hopefully these don't suck.

**_And all my walls stood tall painted blue,_ **

**_And I’ll take them down, take them down,_ **

**_And open up the door for you._ **

_-_ _Everything Has Changed, Taylor Swift feat. Ed Sheeran_

 

**6**

When Ashton first told Luke he loved him, it seemed to be entirely by accident.

The older man was popping out to the shops to pick up some milk but Luke had opted to stay at home with Lavender. Ashton dropped a kiss onto the top of Luke’s head habitually and gave his shoulder a squeeze as he disappeared out into the hallway to lace his boots up.

“Take care, Ash,” Luke called distractedly, keeping his eyes fixed on the documentary about dolphins on Ashton’s television. Lavender was curled up on Luke’s lap, letting her claws catch idly in the soft material of the older man’s tracksuit bottoms that Luke had borrowed.

“You too, angel,” Ashton said as he opened the door, letting the soft sound of traffic outside drift in. “Love you.”

The door shut but Luke heard Ashton make an odd, muffled choking noise a few seconds later, like he’d frozen outside as the enormity of what he had just said settled over him.

Luke stared.

There was a baby dolphin onscreen. Its skin was dappled with sunlight as it swam close to the surface. Lavender let out a little purring sound.

Luke felt cold.

The door opened slowly, creaking a little on its hinges, and it needed oiling. Luke had _meant_ to oil it last weekend but he had forgotten and now it was creaking and Ashton was standing in the doorway, and Lavender was running away because Luke had jerked in shock and frightened her, and Luke had forgotten to oil the damn door and now –

“Angel,” Ashton breathed and his eyes were wet and Lavender was hiding under the table now and the baby dolphin on the television had been joined by another, and Luke was _trembling_ because he hadn’t meant for this to happen.

He hadn’t meant for it at _all_.

“I’m sorry,” Luke breathed and Ashton had never looked more confused than he did in that moment.

“I _love_ you,” Ashton repeated, his beautiful hazel eyes overwhelmed and _mesmerised_ as he took in Luke’s pale face. “What on _earth_ are you sorry for?” he whispered, his voice soft, and Luke’s eyes were bluer than the ocean on the television screen, and almost as wet.

“I made you _love_ me,” Luke breathed, equal parts awestruck and _horrified_. “But… I’m _broken_.”

“You’re not,” Ashton promised, half- _falling_ down onto his knees in front of Luke, like he had done that day in the hospital. “You were hurt – so, _so_ badly – and you’re healing now. You’re not broken. You’re mending. I watch it happen every single day, angel, and I’ve never been prouder of anything.”

Luke wondered why Ashton was lying before, abruptly, the ice inside overwhelmed him and he froze because… because maybe Ashton was _right_.

Maybe he really _was_ on the road to being okay again… and it was all thanks to Ashton.

“You _saved_ me,” Luke whispered, floored, and the urge to cry was almost overwhelming but he fought it down, beating at it like flames… like **him**.

The tears escaped Luke anyway though, streaming down his cheeks relentlessly like all of the ice inside was finally bleeding away.

“I love you, angel,” Ashton promised and his eyes were shocked but he looked certain, even as his forehead creased slightly. “ _Luke_ ,” he said instead and the blond man’s name sounded strange in Ashton’s mouth, but soft too, and definitely not unwelcome.

“ _Luke_ ,” Ashton repeated and he was holding one of the younger man’s hands now in both of his own as his eyes swam with tears. “I love you, _Luke_.”

A tiny whining sound escaped Luke but any fears of **him** evaporated when, somehow, their lips bumped lightly together in a clumsy, chaste kiss.

Ashton’s lips were warm and very, very soft, and Luke was crying when he drew away, wiping his eyes with the sleeves of his oversized jumper and staring down at Ashton in shock.

“Milk,” Ashton murmured but he looked elated. “We still need milk.”

*

Over the next few weeks, Luke found it hard to breathe again because his fears had been confirmed, and now he _knew_ why being with Ashton made him feel so comfortable and _safe_ all the time.

The love that Luke _wished_ wasn’t there began to fill his lungs like water and sometimes, when Luke felt like he was going to drown in it, the only way he could fight back up to the surface again was to kiss Ashton.

He had felt guilty at the beginning, ashamed that he had made someone as good and pure as Ashton love _him_ , but there was no regret lingering inside Luke now, not when Ashton kissed Luke back like he was the air he needed to breathe.

Luke took a step back and looked at them sometimes, living in a small house with a kitten and a vase of wildflowers on the table, and he wondered how things had changed so much.

When the older man stooped to kiss Luke’s lips when he was sitting eating breakfast with Lavender winding around the blond man's bare feet before Ashton left for work though, Luke decided that maybe some changes weren’t necessarily _bad_.

They just might take a little bit of getting used to.

Ashton knew that though.

He’d told Luke they had all the time in the world now.

Luke thought he was probably right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Seriously I can't believe I've updated this twice in like twenty minutes...)  
> Please let me know what you thought! :) <3  
> I think there'll only be two chapters left now...


	7. Happy For Someone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ' _Luke’s lips twitched weakly and he leant over for a gentle kiss, his eyes fluttering shut as Ashton’s large hands cradled his jaw gently, like he was made of_ crystal _almost._ '

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am literally having so many feels right now, it's pathetic.  
> Anyway, I hope you'll enjoy this!  
> 

**_Someday I’ll drive, close both my eyes._ **

**_We’ll swim in circles in the blue lights,_ **

**_It’s gonna be the best day of my life._ **

_-_ _The Sky Under The Sea, Pierce The Veil_

 

Luke knew Michael and Calum supported his relationship with Ashton, and Jack had been nothing short of thrilled when Luke had finally plucked up the courage to tell him during their weekly phone call the day before, and Luke felt a lot calmer about things now.

It was good to hear that people thought they were doing the right thing, _especially_ after all of the warnings he’d received about **him**.

No one warned Luke about Ashton though. They smiled and their eyes twinkled and Luke _knew_ it was okay this time.

There was no doubt in Luke’s mind and it _frightened_ him that he was already in this for the long-haul.

When he looked up and caught Ashton smiling fondly at him before he quickly tried to pretend that he hadn’t been though, Luke thought Ashton probably was too.

*

By the time Luke had been living with Ashton for around nine months, he felt stable enough to start looking for a job so that he could contribute to paying their bills too.

It was a strange experience for Luke since he had never worked before so he was completely unsure of what to expect but, for once, things actually went _better_ than he had been imagining.

After spending two years constantly walking on eggshells with **him** , a job interview was a walk in the park for Luke. The only times he’d felt on edge were when they shook his hand at the beginning and asked what he had spent the last two years doing after he had dropped out of college.

Luke had skirted around the question easily enough though and, one week later, he received a call from the art gallery where Ashton worked, offering him a part-time position in the café.

Luke accepted and Ashton was so proud of Luke.

He took him out for dinner that night and he held Luke’s hand the whole time, sitting close beside him on the bench with his thigh pressed warm and comforting against Luke’s.

It kept the blond man calm and his breathing was nothing but steady for the entire evening.

They talked about so much that night – Lavender, what Luke’s job would be like, what Ashton’s _was_ like, whether they wanted to save up and go on holiday next year, and how _good_ Ashton thought Luke looked in the dark blue shirt he was wearing. (Luke was quite certain Ashton was only lying out of kindness but he accepted the compliment with difficulty nonetheless.)

“I love you,” Ashton said softly at the end of their meal, picking up a napkin and dabbing the corner of Luke’s mouth with it as a fond smile painted the older man’s lips. “Chocolate sauce,” he added when the blond man frowned at him slightly.

Luke’s lips twitched weakly and he leant over for a gentle kiss, his eyes fluttering shut as Ashton’s large hands cradled his jaw gently, like he was made of _crystal_ almost.

Luke wished he could say it back.

So did Ashton.

*

Over the next few weeks, the pair began to settle into their new routine.

Ashton drove them both to work every morning, kissing Luke softly by the lifts before the older man went up to the top floor and Luke walked to the café.

They met up every day at one o’clock to eat lunch in the rooftop garden there that was usually only open for staff. Luke ate spicy tomato salad and Ashton had chicken mayo sandwiches, and they held hands and sat on the benches, and sometimes Luke tucked flowers into Ashton’s stray curls and the curly-haired man giggled, and everything was wonderful.

They wandered around the exhibitions occasionally, sometimes to laugh at the questionable modern art and sometimes just because Luke had heard something interesting about one of the artists on display.

Luke’s favourite times were when Ashton took him down to look at the paintings before the public were allowed to see them, because there were often some really old, expensive ones that had been restored and Luke liked the smell of the oil paint.

The very _best_ day at work was when a new artist unveiled a sculpture that was some sort of massive helter-skelter. It looked really silly in the middle of the large, warehouse-like room the gallery used for displaying bigger pieces but it was a lot of fun when the staff got to slide down it in burlap sacks that one of the chefs had found from _somewhere_.

Luke laughed more than he ever had when he watched Ashton tumble out of the bottom of the slide with his hair a mess and his tie askew, and when Ashton grinned up at Luke from the floor, all dimples and glittering eyes as he smiled cheekily, Luke felt the waves calm inside him until there was almost no anxiety left at all.

When Ashton tugged on Luke’s hand lightly and their co-workers wolf whistled as the younger man knelt to kiss the stranger-who-was-now-his-boyfriend, Luke realised he was absolutely _gone_ for Ashton.

That was okay though.

Ashton was gone for Luke too.

*

Michael and Calum came to visit a lot more now - Luke suspected it was because Michael absolutely _adored_ Lavender - and the younger man was rapidly becoming firm friends with them. He still got very shy sometimes but Michael liked to watch Luke playing with Lavender and Calum always complimented Luke on his impressive baking and gardening skills.

The week before, Luke and Ashton had been invited to dinner at Michael and Calum’s house, and Luke had beaten them all at Fifa while their food was cooking, which had been very funny.

While the four of them were tucking into a delicious spaghetti Bolognese that Calum had cooked – Michael tried to insist that he had helped too but no one really believed him, and rightly so – Luke and Ashton learnt that their friends had got engaged.

Ashton had been attempting to spear a button mushroom on his fork at the time of the announcement and it had somehow been fired at Michael’s face, and Luke had laughed so much that he had managed to inhale his water.

“I didn’t imagine it would be received like this,” Michael said wryly, wiping tomato sauce off of his cheek with Calum’s napkin.

The dark-haired man looked at his fiancé fondly, a small smile curving his full lips.

“I did,” Calum said and Luke was still wheezing on his water and Ashton was smiling despite his tear-wet eyes, and Luke had never been this happy for someone before but he was now.

Michael and Calum _deserved_ this.

They were wonderful.

*

When Jack and his girlfriend Celeste had their baby a few months later, Luke kept a little photograph of her in a frame on the desk in their study at home.

His niece was called Violet and she looked _nothing_ like Luke had imagined.

She had dark brown hair – almost _black_ – and her eyes quickly turned the colour of chocolate. She looked like neither her mother or her father, and Luke thought Violet was so, _so_ beautiful.

He got to meet her when she was three weeks old and it was the first time he had seen Jack in almost three years. It was wonderful, and emotional, and Luke spent the majority of the evening after they had left sobbing in Ashton’s arms, but he would have had it no other way.

Violet fit in his arms so perfectly, warm and bright, like a tiny ray of sunshine, and Luke thought that while he agreed with what Ashton had said about perfection not being real, maybe his niece was the exception to that rule.

While Celeste was stowing Violet safely in her car seat and Ashton was loading a large bag full of baby items into the back of Jack’s car, Luke lingered with his brother in the doorway to the home he shared with Ashton.

There was a trellis on the wall beside the door and honeysuckle was slowing climbing it, the large blooms swaying gently in a warm breeze as the stars began to blink into existence overhead.

“I missed you, little brother,” Jack said softly and his arms were warm when he pulled Luke into a firm hug, leaving no room for argument.

Luke had never minded anything _less_ though.

“I missed you too, Jackie,” he murmured and Jack squeezed him a little tighter.

“Don’t call me that,” Jack muttered.

Luke smiled into Jack’s shirt.

When his older brother drove away with his little family, Ashton’s arm was wrapped comfortingly around Luke’s waist and the blond man was waving as the car turned a corner.

“I love you,” Ashton told him softly, kissing Luke’s neck.

The blond man closed his eyes as a contented sigh escaped him, tipping his head gently so that it rested against Ashton’s.

The wind made the long grass in their front garden ripple like the sea and the moon came out from behind a cloud. A dog barked somewhere nearby and Lavender skittered from room to room inside their home, and the scent of lavender wafted out as Luke twisted to kiss Ashton’s mouth softly.

Luke had honestly never been happier than he was then.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please please let me know what you think! :) <3  
> 2 more chapters to go - sorry I had to add one! :P


	8. Gentle Circles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ' _Luke was reminded again and again of why he was slowly falling in love with the older man._ '

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is only one chapter left to go and I literally cannot stop writing this fluff, oh my god help :') <3

**_Take a deep breath, then jump then fall into me,_ **

**_‘Cause every time you smile, I smile,_ **

**_And every time you shine, I’ll shine for you._ **

_-_ _Jump Then Fall, Taylor Swift_

 

**8**

Exactly a year after Ashton had first met Luke, he took the blond man to meet his family in Victoria, the town he had grown up in.

Luke was so, _so_ nervous on the long drive there but Ashton tried to distract him, making a sort of road trip out of it and stopping along the way to show Luke all sorts of beautiful places that he had never visited before.

It hurt Ashton’s heart a little when he saw the shocked, stunned _relief_ on Luke’s face when Ashton’s family seemed to like him, but that was no surprise to the older man.

Lauren and Harry had always been very accepting, and Ashton’s mother and stepfather were kind, accommodating people, unlike _Luke’s_ parents by the sound of it.

Ashton was proud to hold Luke’s hand when he took the blond man for a walk around the town in the sunshine later that day, showing him the first school he had attended as a child and the ice cream parlour where he used to buy treats at the weekend.

Ashton treated them to ice cream when Luke peered in through the window longingly. The blond man had cookie dough and Ashton had honeycomb, and they held hands as they licked their cones and wandered along the beach.

“This is wonderful,” Luke said with mild surprise, a contented little sigh escaping him when Ashton rubbed the back of his hand lightly with his thumb.

“Yes, you are,” Ashton replied without missing a beat.

When Luke’s cheeks heated with blood and he smiled over bashfully at Ashton as his long golden eyelashes fanned down to flutter against his pale cheekbones, Ashton thought that all of the masterpieces he had seen restored at work were _nothing_ compared to the utter beauty that was Luke Hemmings.

Ashton never, _ever_ wanted to stop looking at him.

*

The next few weeks were busy once they returned from holiday.

Ashton had a lot of catching up to do at work but Luke still had another week off so he spent most of his time just wandering around at home, listening to music softly on the radio as he tidied up the house.

Lavender got under his feet a lot but the tiny white cat loved Luke so much that he couldn't quite find it in himself to be agitated. Her little tail was too soft as it wound around his ankles.

Luke loved her too much.

He loved Ashton too but the words would never quite leave him, and it made talking to the older man difficult sometimes, when all Luke wanted to do was tell him the truth.

Those three words kept sticking in his throat though but Luke refused to force them.

That was what he had done last time with **him** and the consequences had been disastrous, a tsunami dragging him struggling back out into the ocean where no one could hear his screams.

That was what _that_ love had felt like.

With Ashton, it was different.

It felt like the gentle lapping of calm waves, cleaning away the grime left on his skin and leaving him shining underneath. It was soft and gentle and very, _very_ sweet and, sometimes, Luke thought Ashton could see the love he felt when he looked in Luke’s eyes.

This didn't scare Luke as much as he thought it probably _should_.

*

Luke still found it difficult to be close to people, even _Ashton_.

The most they ever did was lie on the sofa sometimes and kiss until Luke’s head was spinning. On more than one occasion he had expressed his guilt at not being able to find it in himself to be physically intimate with Ashton but the older man had assured him that there was absolutely no rush, that Luke _never_ had to do that if he didn't want to.

Luke was reminded again and again of why he was slowly falling in love with the older man.

That didn't mean he felt _happy_ about making Ashton wait though and, sometimes, when Luke kissed Ashton for too long or the gentle circles he stroked into Ashton’s back became clumsy, he could see the agitation on Ashton’s face – directed inwards but there nonetheless.

That was at the forefront of Luke’s mind when, lying on the sofa with his boyfriend one night, Luke didn't break the kiss when he usually would have.

Ashton’s long fingers were threaded gently into Luke’s blond hair and the older man’s mouth was a hot slide against Luke’s own, and the younger man managed to remain calm until he felt _himself_ beginning to harden between the warm press of their bodies and, abruptly, the anxiety consumed him and he pulled away, frightened.

Ashton kissed Luke’s shoulder softly, his lips tracing the scar that **he** had inflicted as the blond man gradually regained control of his breathing.

Ashton was hard against Luke’s hip and the blond man felt guilt overwhelming him.

“I’m scared. I’m sorry,” Luke croaked and Ashton shook his head gently, a calm smile on his lips as Luke hesitantly let his head fall to rest on Ashton’s chest.

The older man’s hands drifted up to stroke Luke’s back beneath his t-shirt and Luke felt what remained of his panic melting away at Ashton’s gentle, comforting touch.

“I’m never gonna hurt you, angel,” Ashton whispered and Luke closed his eyes wearily as his own hand crept up to stroke Ashton’s jaw lightly.

“I know you won’t,” Luke said softly but he finished speaking silently. ‘ _I love you_.’

When Ashton tightened his grip a little and stretched down to press a gentle kiss to the top of the blond man’s head, Luke thought maybe he knew.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, hopefully this doesn't suck!  
> I'm really sad that this is the penultimate chapter now!  
> Please let me know what you think :) <3


	9. Great Delight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ' _Luke enjoyed being the cause of the dimples appearing on Ashton’s cheeks when he smiled, and he did his best to make that happen as often as he possibly could, because Ashton’s smile could be the foundation for world peace, Luke was fairly sure._ '

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The fic is finally over!  
> I don't know if I like the ending but hopefully it is okay - enjoy! <3

_**Because I know you're too good to be true,** _

_**I must have done something good to meet you.** _

_\- I Could Get Used To This, The Veronicas_

 

**9**

Feeling his confidence grow was an unfamiliar yet pleasant experience for Luke. He liked the pride he could see blazing in Ashton’s hazel eyes when Luke walked down the street beside him with his head held high rather than angled towards the floor.

Luke enjoyed being the cause of the dimples appearing on Ashton’s cheeks when he smiled, and he did his best to make that happen as often as he possibly could, because Ashton’s smile could be the foundation for world peace, Luke was fairly sure.

Ashton smiled when Luke made him strawberry tart and played with Lavender and kissed him goodbye in the mornings beside the lifts. He smiled when he looked at Luke in his funny café uniform with the cap on his head that flattened Luke’s blond hair, (unattractively in the younger man’s opinion).

Ashton smiled when he cupped Luke’s face gently in his large hands as he stretched up to kiss Luke, and he smiled so wide that he had to break the kiss because he was so damn _happy_ about everything, like a _puppy_ almost, or a cheerful cherubic Violet who took great delight in toddling around and destroying anything left at her level.

Luke loved them both a painful amount but the difference was a significant one: he had only stated his love for _Violet_ aloud.

*

Luke woke up from a nightmare but, for once, there were no tears. His chest felt tight but Ashton was already gently shushing him as he cuddled Luke close, and the blond man fought against the shudders tearing through him as he _remembered_.

“Kiss me, please,” Luke murmured and Ashton did so at once.

He settled down gently over Luke, cradling his head tenderly as the blond man lay shivering among the lavender-scented sheets.

Ashton’s mouth tasted pleasantly like mint and his curls smelt like coconut as Luke parted his lips hesitantly to deepen the kiss.

When Ashton licked into his mouth tentatively, his tongue dragging hot against Luke’s, the blond man’s hips rocked up before he could stop himself and a low moan was dragged out of him.

He waited for the panic to overwhelm him but the moment never came and Luke’s voice was strangled as he gasped out a desperate-sounding: “ _Ash_. Ash. I’m not scared now.”

Ashton looked puzzled for a moment before he felt how hard Luke was against him and his eyes glittered with more love than Luke had ever _seen_ as he caught Luke’s lips in an enthusiastic kiss again.

“ _Oh_ ,” the older man gasped out when Luke reached shakily to touch the stiff flesh inside Ashton’s boxers. The older man’s hips jerked at that but he seemed to be fighting for control as he pulled away unwillingly, dropping his head as he panted for breath.

“ _Please_ , angel. Let me,” Ashton breathed and Luke started to turn over, wary and _resigned_ because maybe he had misread things after all, and Ashton gently stopped him, his eyes a little sad but mostly just loving.

“I want to make you feel really, really good, angel,” Ashton breathed and Luke's heart swelled in his heaving chest. The blond man tried to smirk, tried to say something sarcastic about how Ashton was being pretty immodest about his skills, but Luke couldn't quite summon the words when Ashton leant forwards to gently kiss Luke’s neck.

“Is this okay?” Ashton breathed hotly against Luke’s skin and the blond man shivered, nodding jerkily as his small hands flew up to clasp Ashton’s shoulders.

The older man pushed Luke’s t-shirt up gently and kissed slowly down his chest, focusing on all of the places that made Luke’s breath hitch as goosebumps formed on his pale skin.

When Ashton kissed even lower, Luke’s eyes widened when he realised what Ashton planned to do and his _head_ swam with how badly he wanted this, even as the guilt and worry bubbled inside of him.

Ashton knelt down on the bed like he had done that day in the hospital, and when he had told Luke he _loved_ him for the first time, but he was between Luke’s legs this time and he wasted no time in gently easing the younger man’s boxers down so that he could kiss his shaft gently.

Luke’s breath caught again and he whimpered high in his throat, dropping his hands to fist the duvet tightly when Ashton finally took the head into his mouth, and the rolling waves of pleasure battled with the stubborn agony Luke could feel, still lingering inside of him even now.

Ashton’s tongue flicked into the slit as he drew back to pump what he couldn’t reach in his hand, spreading pre-cum up and down the length of it as Luke’s toes curled a little.

When Ashton swallowed him down again, his fingertips were drawing comforting, nonsensical shapes into the soft skin of Luke’s pale thighs to keep him calm. He stroked Luke’s scars – some Luke had put there himself, most he hadn't – and he wasn't adding to them, wasn't hurting Luke at _all_.

He was just caressing, just _loving_ him, as his clever tongue worked and flicked and stroked, and when Luke’s hips jerked forwards into Ashton’s mouth, nothing happened. No one hurt Luke and Ashton was still there, stroking and kissing and swallowing.

The blond man’s shaking fingers threaded gently through Ashton’s hair when the older man encouraged Luke to let go, and Luke let his hips roll slowly into the damp heat of Ashton’s throat.

The moans Luke began to let out were obscene but he found it impossible to keep them in, and _surely_ he would be shut up soon – but no… it never happened.

Ashton just kept staring up at Luke with soft, _soft_ eyes, like molten caramel almost, fiery and burning but without the ability to _hurt_. They were warm and _gentle_ as he swallowed Luke all the way down, and they twinkled like he was _smiling_ almost.

Luke came undone like he never had before.

It was a while before he came to again and the first words out of his mouth were ones that he had been thinking for a long, long time.

“I love you,” Luke said and there was no hint of uncertainty in his voice.

When he finally spoke the three words that had been clawing their way out of his throat ever since the night he had first _met_ Ashton, they burnt Luke, but it was a good kind of hurt, and it felt like he was alive.

Ashton’s smile was the brightest Luke had ever seen.

“I love you too, angel,” he promised, his voice thick with tears, his hazel eyes overwhelmed.

Luke kissed the taste of himself out of Ashton’s mouth.

“I know,” he said softly and his voice was rough too. “I won’t ever forget.”

*

Falling in love felt like sinking into warm bathwater.

Luke’s heart was full and healed and beating calmly in his chest, and there were messy stitches there that Ashton had left behind when he tried to heal the damage, and they were the colour of lavender.

Falling in love was a warm breeze, like the dry air caressing skin during the long summer months. It was like silk and cotton and lace – soft things that gave the wearer the sensation of warmth and comfort.

Luke’s love burnt gently inside him, like a newly-formed star that shone so brightly but still had a lifetime left to weaken in, although never entirely fade.

Luke thought it might diminish one day, like a shooting star burning up in the atmosphere as it fell to earth, but Luke knew that the only way he would ever _truly_ stop loving Ashton was when he was no longer around to do so.

While Luke and Ashton were alive to feel it, their love would never fade.

The love was a spark in Luke's heart, growing brighter and hotter and warmer with every passing second, and the shadows didn’t seem so dark when Ashton was there holding his hand, showing him the way to safety.

Loving Ashton was the easiest thing Luke had ever _done_.

It was gentle kisses and bright smiles and soft, twinkling eyes.

It was forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think and thank you all so much for reading! :) <3

**Author's Note:**

> What did you think?  
> Please let me know by leaving comments/kudos!  
> Thank you for reading <3


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